I am 26 years old and I Feel Lucky that I Have Not Been Raped.

Sexually assaulted, sexually harassed, street harassed, followed, exposed to, leered at, stalked, butt slapped, butt and breasts  grabbed, in public spaces, cursed out 987784 ways to sunday by men bigger than me for not responding to catcalls, physically assaulted for asserting agency over my or my friend’s safety, venomously berated for rejecting advances to my body and safety? Absolutely. Ooooof I lost count.

Lost count.

And THEN, I am asked to smile for a man I don’t know from a ham sandwich? And then I am asked to be more receptive to  any and all advances and compliments from anyone with a penis?

Excuse me while I go break everything within a 5-mile radius.

When men start walking down the street smiling like clowns then we can have a discussion on women’s mean mugs. Until then, just know that it is a defense mechanism and you have NO idea what that woman has been through at the hands of men who were “just trying to give a compliment.” If your advances are turned down, so what? I have zero sympathy. Women are abused every second and still have to deal with men and the abuser apologists. That’s what we call life. Unfortunately.

With all of that, I have never been raped and I feel so lucky I haven’t.

Every woman I know has endured all of the aforementioned abuse and I know a lot of women, friends, acquaintances and colleagues who have been raped. They are the strongest people I know. I honor them. I respect them. I love them These are the three most singular virtues that men who subject women to this type of behavior are lacking. And the men who defend them and this behavior.

I am 26 years old and I Feel Lucky that I Have Not Been Raped.

Sexually assaulted, sexually harassed, street harassed, followed, exposed to, leered at, stalked, butt slapped, butt and breasts  grabbed, in public spaces, cursed out 987784 ways to sunday by men bigger than me for not responding to catcalls, physically assaulted for asserting agency over my or my friend’s safety, venomously berated for rejecting advances to my body and safety? Absolutely. Ooooof I lost count.

Lost count.

And THEN, I am asked to smile for a man I don’t know from a ham sandwich? And then I am asked to be more receptive to  any and all advances and compliments from anyone with a penis?

Excuse me while I go break everything within a 5-mile radius.

When men start walking down the street smiling like clowns then we can have a discussion on women’s mean mugs. Until then, just know that it is a defense mechanism and you have NO idea what that woman has been through at the hands of men who were “just trying to give a compliment.” If your advances are turned down, so what? I have zero sympathy. Women are abused every second and still have to deal with men and the abuser apologists. That’s what we call life. Unfortunately.

With all of that, I have never been raped and I feel so lucky I haven’t.

Every woman I know has endured all of the aforementioned abuse and I know a lot of women, friends, acquaintances and colleagues who have been raped. They are the strongest people I know. I honor them. I respect them. I love them These are the three most singular virtues that men who subject women to this type of behavior are lacking. And the men who defend them and this behavior.

As I type this, I am boiling. I think of all the shit women endure and brush off every single day because of rape culture and pigs posing as men.

Listen to Pardon Me Prod. By The Budgenson by BlaK OrFan.

lyrics

Hook 1X: 
Pardon me/ 
But i got a bone to pick with you/ 
ya called me out my name & i was neva even rude to you/ 
Tried to stop me, not because you even like me/ 
Just wanna lay the mac, frontin like you got G/ 
If i chose not to speak/ 
Then Eff it, let it be/ 
It’s my perogetive, no need to call me a B/ 
I’m a woman, no need to throw ya shade @ me/ 

Verse 1 (A) 
Probably had a day/ 
Didn’t haves shit to say/ 
Damn can sister get an F’ing brake/ 
Did you ever think I couldn’t stop because I’m running late/ 
Or probably didn’t like it when you hissed like a snake/ 
Or plain simple fact/ 
I just don’t stop for anybody/ 
Gotta see your heart and what you embody/ 
Before I give my first words/ 
Your eyes have to em line my mind/ 
Cause straight up brother I ain’t even got the time/ 
To listen to the garbage or the silly ass lines/ 
If you’re gonna stepped to me come correct like a don/ 
Cause I gets down with the realest words bond/ 
If you’re with it then come on/ 
I might bend an ear if your smooth as chiffon/ 
I like a bother who keeps promises where upon/ 
He feels my necessities and plus beyond/ 

Hook 1X: 
Pardon me/ 
But i got a bone to pick with you/ 
ya called me out my name & i was neva even rude to you/ 
Tried to stop me, not because you even like me/ 
Just wanna lay the mac, frontin like you got G/ 
If i chose not to speak/ 
Then Eff it, let it be/ 
It’s my perogetive, no need to call me a B/ 
I’m a woman, no need to throw ya shade @ me/ 
It only makes ya look bad & shows ya immaturity/ 

Verse 2 (B) 
My, my, my, Well don’t i look fly/ 
Bred in the stuy, so i’m conditioned not to say hi/ 
To these lames, playing games, claiming that they try/ 
To get they bread up, fed up with this little thing called life/ 
Don’t get it twisted, you & i created equally/ 
Just hope you own that buildin you posted in front of G/ 
Until you sign that deed, then you can come to me/ 
You’ll surely bag me with your home owners vocabulary/ 
You know the main reason why i didn’t stop?/ 
You been there since i left & you’ll be there when i come back/ 
Like ya stuck-hold up! then ya called me out my name?/ 
In 93’ the queen been set it straight/ 
Your a king, i’m a queen as soon as you realize this we gon beam/ 
But i can’t wait i got a date with a brother named Naheem/ 
Don’t know much about em’ yet, but i know he got respect ya mean?/ 


Verse 3(A) 
Sorry to disappoint you/ 
Imma to disjoint you/ 
There’s nothing about about my character that will ever ever enjoy you/ 
So I’d rather keep it moving/ 
Cause your style is disapproving/ 
And by the looks of everything I’m very content my conclusion/ 
(B)Hold up, you thinkin cause you swole up, you could say anything & like paper we gon fold up/ 
Brotha grow up? 
This is just juvenile/ 
You’d be a hot boy if you ain’t talkout the side of ya mouth/ 
(A)And don’t hate me cause I don’t like your style/ 
(B) I might change my mind if i think it’s worth my while/ 
(A)At the end of the day 
You still remain dismayed 
Afraid to be rejected by a woman who’s made 
And the very next time you come checking for me babe 
Cut the bullshit and the lame foul play 
(B) A yo & step up ya game to a trillion as they say & all that verbal masterbation…keep it comin that a way 
(A & B) Hey!/ 

Hook 2X: 
Pardon me/ 
But i got a bone to pick with you/ 
ya called me out my name & i was neva even rude to you/ 
Tried to stop me, not because you even like me/ 
Just wanna lay the mac, frontin like you got G/ 
If i chose not to speak/ 
Then Eff it, let it be/ 
It’s my perogetive, no need to call me a B/ 
I’m a woman, no need to throw ya shade @ me/

credits

from From A II B *UNCENSORED*, released 22 August 2012 
Prod. & Engineered By The Budgenson

tags

You guessed it, a gun. A *&^%ing GUN!! I looked at my friends and we were gone. Ghost. The wind. I ran track since the age of 10 and at this time I was on the track team at Temple but I had never, ever, ever, ever, ever ran so fast in my entire life. This man really had a gun. And really showed it as if he was going to use it. Because I wouldn’t dance with him? Because I wouldn’t give him my number?

From that day on, I never went to a party like that one. I rearranged my entire approach to going out and socializing. I was way more cautious in the way I turned down guys. To be honest, that guy put fear in my heart. I was angry about it. I am still angry about it. Why must I be afraid to say no? Why must I be cautious in the way I reject a possible suitor? When did it become ok for men to treat women who reject them like animals? I know not all men act like dogs in heat and I know that is a wildly extreme situation. I was at the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong person who clearly had the wrong upbringing. But the fact that the name calling, the cat calling, the grabbing, the staring, the grunting occurs and will continue to occur, angers me. Men need to do better. Women need to raise their boys better. Until we make some changes, I’m sure there will be more and more stories like this one.

And he had the nerve to call me beautiful. There was no beauty in my face as I laid there convincing myself that I was no virgin and this would be painless if I could just breathe through it. If I could be as quiet as possible he would forget that I’m even there and it would be over sooner than it started. But I was there and when he forced himself inside of me, I was convinced I saw heaven outside of that window. Every second felt like a century and every nerve in my body was paying attention to the sex it wasn’t prepared to have. My vagina burned like hell on a hot plate. Back and forth, back and forth my body screamed, bled and cried itself into submission. It was then that I knew I had more than one virginity to spare. This was not sex. This was not the birds and the bees. This was about the snakes that you only see when the grass is cut. This was about monsters that don’t hide in closets under the cloak of the night. This was about guys in your class studying the dimensions of your body instead of their syllabus. This was rape, a cold and silent rape, familiar and foreign all at the same time. This was the kind of rape that nobody talks about. The kind that has his phone number, the kind that’s friends with him on facebook, the kind that everyone would ask, ‘how it happened’ instead of ‘how are you.’
One in three American Indian women have been raped or have experienced an attempted rape, according to the Justice Department. Their rate of sexual assault is more than twice the national average. And no place, women’s advocates say, is more dangerous than Alaska’s isolated villages, where there are no roads in or out, and where people are further cut off by undependable telephone, electrical and Internet service
For Native American Women, Scourge of Rape, Rare Justice [NY Times]

Are Sex Offenders And Lads’ Mags Using The Same Language?

According to a new study, people can’t tell the difference between quotes from British “lad mags” (men’s magazines) and quotes convicted rapists say when they’re justifying sexual violence. The quotes were given to men and women and they were asked to discern which source the quotes were from, men’s mags or a convicted rapist. Given the choice, men are actually more likely to agree with the rapists. Can you tell the difference? Read the study here (via Jezebel)

1. There’s a certain way you can tell that a girl wants to have sex … The way they dress, they flaunt themselves.

2. Some girls walk around in short-shorts … showing their body off … It just starts a man thinking that if he gets something like that, what can he do with it?

3. A girl may like anal sex because it makes her feel incredibly naughty and she likes feeling like a dirty slut. If this is the case, you can try all sorts of humiliating acts to help live out her filthy fantasy.

4. Mascara running down the cheeks means they’ve just been crying, and it was probably your fault … but you can cheer up the miserable beauty with a bit of the old in and out.

5. What burns me up sometimes about girls is dick-teasers. They lead a man on and then shut him off right there.

6. Filthy talk can be such a turn on for a girl … no one wants to be shagged by a mouse … A few compliments won’t do any harm either . . . ‘I bet you want it from behind you dirty whore’ …

7. You know girls in general are all right. But some of them are bitches … The bitches are the type that … need to have it stuffed to them hard and heavy.

8. Escorts … they know exactly how to turn a man on. I’ve given up on girlfriends. They don’t know how to satisfy me, but escorts do.

9. You’ll find most girls will be reluctant about going to bed with somebody or crawling in the back seat of a car … But you can usually seduce them, and they’ll do it willingly.

10. There’s nothing quite like a woman standing in the dock accused of murder in a sex game gone wrong … The possibility of murder does bring a certain frisson to the bedroom.

11. Girls ask for it by wearing these mini-skirts and hotpants … they’re just displaying their body … Whether they realise it or not they’re saying, ‘Hey, I’ve got a beautiful body, and it’s yours if you want it.’

12. You do not want to be caught red-handed … go and smash her on a park bench. That used to be my trick.

13. Some women are domineering, but I think it’s more or less the man who should put his foot down. The man is supposed to be the man. If he acts the man, the woman won’t be domineering.

14. I think if a law is passed, there should be a dress code … When girls dress in those short skirts and things like that, they’re just asking for it.

15. Girls love being tied up … it gives them the chance to be the helpless victim.

16. I think girls are like plasticine, if you warm them up you can do anything you want with them.