I am 26 years old and I Feel Lucky that I Have Not Been Raped.

Sexually assaulted, sexually harassed, street harassed, followed, exposed to, leered at, stalked, butt slapped, butt and breasts  grabbed, in public spaces, cursed out 987784 ways to sunday by men bigger than me for not responding to catcalls, physically assaulted for asserting agency over my or my friend’s safety, venomously berated for rejecting advances to my body and safety? Absolutely. Ooooof I lost count.

Lost count.

And THEN, I am asked to smile for a man I don’t know from a ham sandwich? And then I am asked to be more receptive to  any and all advances and compliments from anyone with a penis?

Excuse me while I go break everything within a 5-mile radius.

When men start walking down the street smiling like clowns then we can have a discussion on women’s mean mugs. Until then, just know that it is a defense mechanism and you have NO idea what that woman has been through at the hands of men who were “just trying to give a compliment.” If your advances are turned down, so what? I have zero sympathy. Women are abused every second and still have to deal with men and the abuser apologists. That’s what we call life. Unfortunately.

With all of that, I have never been raped and I feel so lucky I haven’t.

Every woman I know has endured all of the aforementioned abuse and I know a lot of women, friends, acquaintances and colleagues who have been raped. They are the strongest people I know. I honor them. I respect them. I love them These are the three most singular virtues that men who subject women to this type of behavior are lacking. And the men who defend them and this behavior.

I am 26 years old and I Feel Lucky that I Have Not Been Raped.

Sexually assaulted, sexually harassed, street harassed, followed, exposed to, leered at, stalked, butt slapped, butt and breasts  grabbed, in public spaces, cursed out 987784 ways to sunday by men bigger than me for not responding to catcalls, physically assaulted for asserting agency over my or my friend’s safety, venomously berated for rejecting advances to my body and safety? Absolutely. Ooooof I lost count.

Lost count.

And THEN, I am asked to smile for a man I don’t know from a ham sandwich? And then I am asked to be more receptive to  any and all advances and compliments from anyone with a penis?

Excuse me while I go break everything within a 5-mile radius.

When men start walking down the street smiling like clowns then we can have a discussion on women’s mean mugs. Until then, just know that it is a defense mechanism and you have NO idea what that woman has been through at the hands of men who were “just trying to give a compliment.” If your advances are turned down, so what? I have zero sympathy. Women are abused every second and still have to deal with men and the abuser apologists. That’s what we call life. Unfortunately.

With all of that, I have never been raped and I feel so lucky I haven’t.

Every woman I know has endured all of the aforementioned abuse and I know a lot of women, friends, acquaintances and colleagues who have been raped. They are the strongest people I know. I honor them. I respect them. I love them These are the three most singular virtues that men who subject women to this type of behavior are lacking. And the men who defend them and this behavior.

As I type this, I am boiling. I think of all the shit women endure and brush off every single day because of rape culture and pigs posing as men.

And he had the nerve to call me beautiful. There was no beauty in my face as I laid there convincing myself that I was no virgin and this would be painless if I could just breathe through it. If I could be as quiet as possible he would forget that I’m even there and it would be over sooner than it started. But I was there and when he forced himself inside of me, I was convinced I saw heaven outside of that window. Every second felt like a century and every nerve in my body was paying attention to the sex it wasn’t prepared to have. My vagina burned like hell on a hot plate. Back and forth, back and forth my body screamed, bled and cried itself into submission. It was then that I knew I had more than one virginity to spare. This was not sex. This was not the birds and the bees. This was about the snakes that you only see when the grass is cut. This was about monsters that don’t hide in closets under the cloak of the night. This was about guys in your class studying the dimensions of your body instead of their syllabus. This was rape, a cold and silent rape, familiar and foreign all at the same time. This was the kind of rape that nobody talks about. The kind that has his phone number, the kind that’s friends with him on facebook, the kind that everyone would ask, ‘how it happened’ instead of ‘how are you.’
One in three American Indian women have been raped or have experienced an attempted rape, according to the Justice Department. Their rate of sexual assault is more than twice the national average. And no place, women’s advocates say, is more dangerous than Alaska’s isolated villages, where there are no roads in or out, and where people are further cut off by undependable telephone, electrical and Internet service
For Native American Women, Scourge of Rape, Rare Justice [NY Times]
Horrified by what continues to happen in the Congo? Want to DIRECTLY help the women who have been subject to ‘rape as a weapon of war’ in the Congo? Put your money where your mouth is and please donate to the Wamu Center.
The Wamu Center is our pilot initiative in post-conflict zones. The Center is a psycho-social rehabilitation program that works to help women recover from the trauma of sexual violence and empowers them to take their place at the forefront of rebuilding their communities in the name of peace.
The Center is the namesake of the main character of the Women in War Zones documentary: Helene Wamuzila. Helene was a leader among her peers and a firm believer in education as the key to helping women in Congo. Scott, Melanie and Brad became good friends with this amazing lady during their stay in Bukavu, and it was her untimely passing after the release of the film that was the impetus for the Women in War Zones movement, and in an incredibly fated way: the Wamu Center.

Horrified by what continues to happen in the Congo? Want to DIRECTLY help the women who have been subject to ‘rape as a weapon of war’ in the Congo? Put your money where your mouth is and please donate to the Wamu Center.

The Wamu Center is our pilot initiative in post-conflict zones. The Center is a psycho-social rehabilitation program that works to help women recover from the trauma of sexual violence and empowers them to take their place at the forefront of rebuilding their communities in the name of peace.

The Center is the namesake of the main character of the Women in War Zones documentary: Helene Wamuzila. Helene was a leader among her peers and a firm believer in education as the key to helping women in Congo. Scott, Melanie and Brad became good friends with this amazing lady during their stay in Bukavu, and it was her untimely passing after the release of the film that was the impetus for the Women in War Zones movement, and in an incredibly fated way: the Wamu Center.

Are Sex Offenders And Lads’ Mags Using The Same Language?

According to a new study, people can’t tell the difference between quotes from British “lad mags” (men’s magazines) and quotes convicted rapists say when they’re justifying sexual violence. The quotes were given to men and women and they were asked to discern which source the quotes were from, men’s mags or a convicted rapist. Given the choice, men are actually more likely to agree with the rapists. Can you tell the difference? Read the study here (via Jezebel)

1. There’s a certain way you can tell that a girl wants to have sex … The way they dress, they flaunt themselves.

2. Some girls walk around in short-shorts … showing their body off … It just starts a man thinking that if he gets something like that, what can he do with it?

3. A girl may like anal sex because it makes her feel incredibly naughty and she likes feeling like a dirty slut. If this is the case, you can try all sorts of humiliating acts to help live out her filthy fantasy.

4. Mascara running down the cheeks means they’ve just been crying, and it was probably your fault … but you can cheer up the miserable beauty with a bit of the old in and out.

5. What burns me up sometimes about girls is dick-teasers. They lead a man on and then shut him off right there.

6. Filthy talk can be such a turn on for a girl … no one wants to be shagged by a mouse … A few compliments won’t do any harm either . . . ‘I bet you want it from behind you dirty whore’ …

7. You know girls in general are all right. But some of them are bitches … The bitches are the type that … need to have it stuffed to them hard and heavy.

8. Escorts … they know exactly how to turn a man on. I’ve given up on girlfriends. They don’t know how to satisfy me, but escorts do.

9. You’ll find most girls will be reluctant about going to bed with somebody or crawling in the back seat of a car … But you can usually seduce them, and they’ll do it willingly.

10. There’s nothing quite like a woman standing in the dock accused of murder in a sex game gone wrong … The possibility of murder does bring a certain frisson to the bedroom.

11. Girls ask for it by wearing these mini-skirts and hotpants … they’re just displaying their body … Whether they realise it or not they’re saying, ‘Hey, I’ve got a beautiful body, and it’s yours if you want it.’

12. You do not want to be caught red-handed … go and smash her on a park bench. That used to be my trick.

13. Some women are domineering, but I think it’s more or less the man who should put his foot down. The man is supposed to be the man. If he acts the man, the woman won’t be domineering.

14. I think if a law is passed, there should be a dress code … When girls dress in those short skirts and things like that, they’re just asking for it.

15. Girls love being tied up … it gives them the chance to be the helpless victim.

16. I think girls are like plasticine, if you warm them up you can do anything you want with them.