While everyone was praising Nas for his ‘Daughters’ track, I was underwhelmed and perplexed at how his lyrics could be interpreted as “positive.” I see no positive message in reinforcing a culture that elects to put “extra” (read: locked up in a tower Rapunzel style) parenting on their daughters but not the same for their sons. If we spent more time raising our sons with same ‘caution’ we do our daughters, we’d have nothing to fear. THIS convo would not be happening. Granted, women face more danger, I don’t care who agrees with that or not. We do. Danger inflicted on us by men. Yes. So wouldn’t it make more sense to…oh, raise better men? Just an idea…In the same way your daughter can get pregnant, your son can get someone pregnant. In the same way your daughter can be violated, your son can be too. Or worse, he can be the one perpetuating that violence. Someone has to be “those predators” right? They are someone’s son. It could be your son. But no one wants to preach “don’t rape” we’re in the habit of putting the sole responsibility on the ones we were originally in the business of protecting. “Don’t GET raped! DON’T GET RAPED!” Boys are allowed to embody the patriarchal heteronormative privileges of doing whatever the hell they want to do, when they want to do and how they want to do. With little concern to whom is on the receiving end of those potentially dangerous activities. Have our current normative methods of raising daughters and letting sons do whatever, worked thus far? Has it reduced the danger women and girls face? Has it created safer spaces for them? Is it generally helping boys break out of oppressive patriarchal norms and respect women as equals? If we continue police state parenting for our daughters and ‘boys will be boys’ laissez-faire for our sons we WILL CONTINUE TO LOSE.

Why Some Men Don’t Want Daughters

boy vs. girlAs a man, why don’t you want a daughter? And those who don’t, why would raising a daughter be harder than raising a son?”

I posed this question on twitter and facebook after seeing this tweet:

"If God ever gives me a daughter I swear I’ll fight him. I’m not about that raising a daughter life."

And often hearing men lament how they would rather not have daughters, or have the responsibility of raising a daughter. I believe some said in jest or sarcastically but what’s the root of this? 

One man said on twitter:

"Daughters bring men a certain paranoia that sons don’t. I will never have to worry about my son getting pregnant, for one."

to which I responded: “but u don’t care abt him getting others pregnant. He can do that more expiditiously & more frequently than a girl can get preg”

"of course I care. But men more often take advantage of women than vice versa, so i’d feel more in control as a parent."

to which I responded: “Just admit it, you guys don’t want to deal with the possibility of having raised a harlot. I get it.”

"Raising a ho is a valid concern, though. All men are paranoid about their daughters. That’s just the way it works.”

On facebook one new father said:

“I wanted a son just to raise him & have the type of father son relationship I never had as a kid, but now that I have a daughter I’m completely in love with her it changed my life my beliefs & ideas about woman,kids, & being a parent it’s almost unexplainable in words but I’m happy to have a daughter but I think most guys believe it’s harder raising a daughter because of how complicated men feel women are & because we know how young men think & we don’t want to face the challenges of dealing with raising a daughter you tend to feel like with a son u just make him like yourself lol as silly as that sounds but hey that’s only my opinion.”

Raising boys and raising girls poses their own unique sets of challenges and I truly believe it’s fear that drives these opinions which is only natural. It’s crucial to remember that both the life of a girl and a boy are equally important and express that to them. We are different but equally capable beings. 

Do you think raising a daughter is harder than raising a son? Have your opinions changed over time? Are we sending the message that a male’s life is more valuable than a female’s life with statements like these? Do you think men who say this may be a bit hypocritical because they don’t want their daughters to be like them but don’t mind if their sons are? Double-standard?