This “going through a man’s phone” is at best juvenile and immature, at worst indicative of personal issues that need to be addressed before pursuing a romantic relationship with anyone. If a woman feels the need to check, then those suspicions whether unfounded or not should lead straight to an exit out of the relationship. What is the point? Work on your own internal conflicts, your trust issues, your insecurity instead of dragging others into your torrent of misery. And those men complaining about getting snooped on? Maybe stop cheating (hahaha I’m kidding. No I’m not) or how about screen your partner for potential childish behavior before getting involved. Just an idea.

I completely understand the possibility of rejection. Really, I do. I empathize. It sucks. Sometimes can be hurtful and awful just UGH!

But don’t let how others have behaved in the past taint and/or negatively impact your demeanor and that’s really a life lesson anyway.

What I am asking is just basic human courtesy. That’s what every woman wants. That’s what everyone wants. I’m going to make an educated guess on that one.

And I, because I can only speak for myself in this case, will always respond in the same manner as I am approached. And I’m going to even go so far as to say, so will a lot of other women. If it’s humane and polite, even if I am not interested, I will extend the same treatment you gave to me. You smiled at me, I’ll smile back because I like when men smile. And you’re probably handsome when you smile and I like handsome men. If you come incorrect I will be even more incorrect. I will be just so wrong. Just flat out, plain, dead up erroneous. I will fail that exam. On purpose. That’s fair. Dontcha think?

There ARE some women who are unnecessarily mean and hurtful when expressing their disinterest. They may or may not be decent human beings. We’ll never know. Why bother trying to find out? There’s nothing here to see. That’s life. I feel your pain but I think my little piece of advice actually makes the stakes less steep and lessens the risk because “hello” is not salacious, it’s not controversial, it’s not un-PC, offensive or inappropriate. Hello is just that, a greeting. A basic human gesture. Start a conversation off of that, a BRIEF one. She will respond and you will get her attention IF she is interested. Pinky swear.

I’m known as the cut-off queen. A lot of my friends know what I’m going to say before I say it, when they lament about this guy or that guy that ain’t shit keeps messing up.

Leave that boy alone.

Buuuuutttt. There is value in allowing a SECOND chance. Why?

Because we’re all human. Make mistakes. Sometimes don’t realize that we did something wrong.

Now. Pardons can be made if someone you’re seeing in the beginning of your courtship makes a faux pas.

If that faux pas is indicative of their character. Keep it moving.

Lost cause. Save your time and sanity.

Too many women hold on to a piece of a man just for the sake of having one. No. Don’t do that.

Extend the same courtesy and reasonable judgment you’d want to have given to you. Be reasonable. Outside of reasonable, that’s where the trouble starts.You either cut someone who may potentially be a great person and partner off before it can flourish, or you compromise yourself for someone undeserving. Neither or good. Both leave you miserable. It’s a balance. Everything is a balance.

A second chance is a way to even out lingering doubts or affirm red flags.

Long story short, a man proposed to me, sorta kinda. The proposal itself was admirable. I usually feel the need to respect a man who’s up front and honest about the path that he wants to take with a woman. Even if I decide not to go on that path, I am humbled by the offer. But he didn’t know me, not enough anyway. Firstly, he didn’t know me enough to know that marriage has never been an incentive to me. In my mind, marriage is a learned behavior like everything else. It takes an immeasurable amount of practice and the dedication to keep practicing.

How to Get Over Being Left at the Alter

 

jilted bride

IPart 1 ‘How a Jilted Bride Lost Her Way,’ Naomi expressed her emotions being left at the alter a few years ago. In Part 2, she explains how she is doing as of late.


By Naomi Scrafano

Last week I had a breakthrough of sorts. I was laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling as I do most days when I come home from work and as if on cue the tears started rolling down my face. I keep telling myself there will come a day when I won’t cry over him but last Wednesday was not the day. As I was crying, I thought to myself, “enough is enough.”

In my closet on the top shelf is a huge plastic box that I’ve kept all my wedding memorabilia in….

Read the rest at Venus Genus

A few weeks later I found out who he was “getting himself together” with. It happened to be a woman that worked at his mother’s job. They had become very well acquainted being as though she got them both the job at her place of work. I only found this information out after he confessed that she was 3 months pregnant and was…