So on the subject of marriage.
I got into a lengthy discussion with a 40-year-old Venetian expat in Honduras. He said he has “kind of a girlfriend.” I laughed. Oh ok. Not my business. We agreed the modern notions of marriage are whacked and very strange. He said when some women get engaged, they act as if they won the lottery. With a winning lottery ticket they knowingly purchased themselves. It’s true. I see a lot of focus being put on “a ring.”
Just the ring.
A piece of metal.
Congratulations, you’re someone’s potential wife. You are now a complete human being. You’ve accomplished the be all and end all to our collective societal gender conditioning of things you must do before you’re worth a damn in this world.
It’s so reductive. And so unappealing. I blame Beyonce. And all of you.
This is a freakin life-long commitment. FOR LIFE. Your whole life. You’ll be married for longer than you’re not. Why are you rushing forever? My parent’s chimed in on this tirade to interject that it’s easier to find a life partner young because you can grow and build together, ain’t nobody trying to budge on their set ways when they’re in their 30s. It’s harder to compromise when you’re older. That made sense but I pointed out that’s not reason enough to put a time clock and rush marriage just as potential complications from a late 30s pregnancy isn’t reason enough to quickly get knocked up just for the sake of it. That would be stupid.
“As a man, why don’t you want a daughter? And those who don’t, why would raising a daughter be harder than raising a son?”
I posed this question on twitter and facebook after seeing this tweet:
"If God ever gives me a daughter I swear I’ll fight him. I’m not about that raising a daughter life."
And often hearing men lament how they would rather not have daughters, or have the responsibility of raising a daughter. I believe some said in jest or sarcastically but what’s the root of this?
One man said on twitter:
"Daughters bring men a certain paranoia that sons don’t. I will never have to worry about my son getting pregnant, for one."
to which I responded: “but u don’t care abt him getting others pregnant. He can do that more expiditiously & more frequently than a girl can get preg”
"of course I care. But men more often take advantage of women than vice versa, so i’d feel more in control as a parent."
to which I responded: “Just admit it, you guys don’t want to deal with the possibility of having raised a harlot. I get it.”
"Raising a ho is a valid concern, though. All men are paranoid about their daughters. That’s just the way it works.”
On facebook one new father said:
“I wanted a son just to raise him & have the type of father son relationship I never had as a kid, but now that I have a daughter I’m completely in love with her it changed my life my beliefs & ideas about woman,kids, & being a parent it’s almost unexplainable in words but I’m happy to have a daughter but I think most guys believe it’s harder raising a daughter because of how complicated men feel women are & because we know how young men think & we don’t want to face the challenges of dealing with raising a daughter you tend to feel like with a son u just make him like yourself lol as silly as that sounds but hey that’s only my opinion.”
Raising boys and raising girls poses their own unique sets of challenges and I truly believe it’s fear that drives these opinions which is only natural. It’s crucial to remember that both the life of a girl and a boy are equally important and express that to them. We are different but equally capable beings.
Do you think raising a daughter is harder than raising a son? Have your opinions changed over time? Are we sending the message that a male’s life is more valuable than a female’s life with statements like these? Do you think men who say this may be a bit hypocritical because they don’t want their daughters to be like them but don’t mind if their sons are? Double-standard?