This “going through a man’s phone” is at best juvenile and immature, at worst indicative of personal issues that need to be addressed before pursuing a romantic relationship with anyone. If a woman feels the need to check, then those suspicions whether unfounded or not should lead straight to an exit out of the relationship. What is the point? Work on your own internal conflicts, your trust issues, your insecurity instead of dragging others into your torrent of misery. And those men complaining about getting snooped on? Maybe stop cheating (hahaha I’m kidding. No I’m not) or how about screen your partner for potential childish behavior before getting involved. Just an idea.

I am 26 years old and I Feel Lucky that I Have Not Been Raped.

Sexually assaulted, sexually harassed, street harassed, followed, exposed to, leered at, stalked, butt slapped, butt and breasts  grabbed, in public spaces, cursed out 987784 ways to sunday by men bigger than me for not responding to catcalls, physically assaulted for asserting agency over my or my friend’s safety, venomously berated for rejecting advances to my body and safety? Absolutely. Ooooof I lost count.

Lost count.

And THEN, I am asked to smile for a man I don’t know from a ham sandwich? And then I am asked to be more receptive to  any and all advances and compliments from anyone with a penis?

Excuse me while I go break everything within a 5-mile radius.

When men start walking down the street smiling like clowns then we can have a discussion on women’s mean mugs. Until then, just know that it is a defense mechanism and you have NO idea what that woman has been through at the hands of men who were “just trying to give a compliment.” If your advances are turned down, so what? I have zero sympathy. Women are abused every second and still have to deal with men and the abuser apologists. That’s what we call life. Unfortunately.

With all of that, I have never been raped and I feel so lucky I haven’t.

Every woman I know has endured all of the aforementioned abuse and I know a lot of women, friends, acquaintances and colleagues who have been raped. They are the strongest people I know. I honor them. I respect them. I love them These are the three most singular virtues that men who subject women to this type of behavior are lacking. And the men who defend them and this behavior.

I am 26 years old and I Feel Lucky that I Have Not Been Raped.

Sexually assaulted, sexually harassed, street harassed, followed, exposed to, leered at, stalked, butt slapped, butt and breasts  grabbed, in public spaces, cursed out 987784 ways to sunday by men bigger than me for not responding to catcalls, physically assaulted for asserting agency over my or my friend’s safety, venomously berated for rejecting advances to my body and safety? Absolutely. Ooooof I lost count.

Lost count.

And THEN, I am asked to smile for a man I don’t know from a ham sandwich? And then I am asked to be more receptive to  any and all advances and compliments from anyone with a penis?

Excuse me while I go break everything within a 5-mile radius.

When men start walking down the street smiling like clowns then we can have a discussion on women’s mean mugs. Until then, just know that it is a defense mechanism and you have NO idea what that woman has been through at the hands of men who were “just trying to give a compliment.” If your advances are turned down, so what? I have zero sympathy. Women are abused every second and still have to deal with men and the abuser apologists. That’s what we call life. Unfortunately.

With all of that, I have never been raped and I feel so lucky I haven’t.

Every woman I know has endured all of the aforementioned abuse and I know a lot of women, friends, acquaintances and colleagues who have been raped. They are the strongest people I know. I honor them. I respect them. I love them These are the three most singular virtues that men who subject women to this type of behavior are lacking. And the men who defend them and this behavior.

As I type this, I am boiling. I think of all the shit women endure and brush off every single day because of rape culture and pigs posing as men.


"The fact that this much-loved photo is a depiction of sexual assault, rather than passion, is an uncomfortable truth, and to call it out as such might make one seem to be a priggish wet blanket. After all, this sailor has risked his life for his country. Surely his relief and excitement at the end of the war is justified? Surely these are unique circumstances? The answer to the first question is yes. He is perfectly entitled to be ecstatic. He is perfectly entitled to celebrate. However, this entitlement does not extend to his impinging on someone else’s bodily autonomy." Read the rest 

"The fact that this much-loved photo is a depiction of sexual assault, rather than passion, is an uncomfortable truth, and to call it out as such might make one seem to be a priggish wet blanket. After all, this sailor has risked his life for his country. Surely his relief and excitement at the end of the war is justified? Surely these are unique circumstances? The answer to the first question is yes. He is perfectly entitled to be ecstatic. He is perfectly entitled to celebrate. However, this entitlement does not extend to his impinging on someone else’s bodily autonomy." Read the rest 

Listen to Pardon Me Prod. By The Budgenson by BlaK OrFan.

lyrics

Hook 1X: 
Pardon me/ 
But i got a bone to pick with you/ 
ya called me out my name & i was neva even rude to you/ 
Tried to stop me, not because you even like me/ 
Just wanna lay the mac, frontin like you got G/ 
If i chose not to speak/ 
Then Eff it, let it be/ 
It’s my perogetive, no need to call me a B/ 
I’m a woman, no need to throw ya shade @ me/ 

Verse 1 (A) 
Probably had a day/ 
Didn’t haves shit to say/ 
Damn can sister get an F’ing brake/ 
Did you ever think I couldn’t stop because I’m running late/ 
Or probably didn’t like it when you hissed like a snake/ 
Or plain simple fact/ 
I just don’t stop for anybody/ 
Gotta see your heart and what you embody/ 
Before I give my first words/ 
Your eyes have to em line my mind/ 
Cause straight up brother I ain’t even got the time/ 
To listen to the garbage or the silly ass lines/ 
If you’re gonna stepped to me come correct like a don/ 
Cause I gets down with the realest words bond/ 
If you’re with it then come on/ 
I might bend an ear if your smooth as chiffon/ 
I like a bother who keeps promises where upon/ 
He feels my necessities and plus beyond/ 

Hook 1X: 
Pardon me/ 
But i got a bone to pick with you/ 
ya called me out my name & i was neva even rude to you/ 
Tried to stop me, not because you even like me/ 
Just wanna lay the mac, frontin like you got G/ 
If i chose not to speak/ 
Then Eff it, let it be/ 
It’s my perogetive, no need to call me a B/ 
I’m a woman, no need to throw ya shade @ me/ 
It only makes ya look bad & shows ya immaturity/ 

Verse 2 (B) 
My, my, my, Well don’t i look fly/ 
Bred in the stuy, so i’m conditioned not to say hi/ 
To these lames, playing games, claiming that they try/ 
To get they bread up, fed up with this little thing called life/ 
Don’t get it twisted, you & i created equally/ 
Just hope you own that buildin you posted in front of G/ 
Until you sign that deed, then you can come to me/ 
You’ll surely bag me with your home owners vocabulary/ 
You know the main reason why i didn’t stop?/ 
You been there since i left & you’ll be there when i come back/ 
Like ya stuck-hold up! then ya called me out my name?/ 
In 93’ the queen been set it straight/ 
Your a king, i’m a queen as soon as you realize this we gon beam/ 
But i can’t wait i got a date with a brother named Naheem/ 
Don’t know much about em’ yet, but i know he got respect ya mean?/ 


Verse 3(A) 
Sorry to disappoint you/ 
Imma to disjoint you/ 
There’s nothing about about my character that will ever ever enjoy you/ 
So I’d rather keep it moving/ 
Cause your style is disapproving/ 
And by the looks of everything I’m very content my conclusion/ 
(B)Hold up, you thinkin cause you swole up, you could say anything & like paper we gon fold up/ 
Brotha grow up? 
This is just juvenile/ 
You’d be a hot boy if you ain’t talkout the side of ya mouth/ 
(A)And don’t hate me cause I don’t like your style/ 
(B) I might change my mind if i think it’s worth my while/ 
(A)At the end of the day 
You still remain dismayed 
Afraid to be rejected by a woman who’s made 
And the very next time you come checking for me babe 
Cut the bullshit and the lame foul play 
(B) A yo & step up ya game to a trillion as they say & all that verbal masterbation…keep it comin that a way 
(A & B) Hey!/ 

Hook 2X: 
Pardon me/ 
But i got a bone to pick with you/ 
ya called me out my name & i was neva even rude to you/ 
Tried to stop me, not because you even like me/ 
Just wanna lay the mac, frontin like you got G/ 
If i chose not to speak/ 
Then Eff it, let it be/ 
It’s my perogetive, no need to call me a B/ 
I’m a woman, no need to throw ya shade @ me/

credits

from From A II B *UNCENSORED*, released 22 August 2012 
Prod. & Engineered By The Budgenson

tags

I completely understand the possibility of rejection. Really, I do. I empathize. It sucks. Sometimes can be hurtful and awful just UGH!

But don’t let how others have behaved in the past taint and/or negatively impact your demeanor and that’s really a life lesson anyway.

What I am asking is just basic human courtesy. That’s what every woman wants. That’s what everyone wants. I’m going to make an educated guess on that one.

And I, because I can only speak for myself in this case, will always respond in the same manner as I am approached. And I’m going to even go so far as to say, so will a lot of other women. If it’s humane and polite, even if I am not interested, I will extend the same treatment you gave to me. You smiled at me, I’ll smile back because I like when men smile. And you’re probably handsome when you smile and I like handsome men. If you come incorrect I will be even more incorrect. I will be just so wrong. Just flat out, plain, dead up erroneous. I will fail that exam. On purpose. That’s fair. Dontcha think?

There ARE some women who are unnecessarily mean and hurtful when expressing their disinterest. They may or may not be decent human beings. We’ll never know. Why bother trying to find out? There’s nothing here to see. That’s life. I feel your pain but I think my little piece of advice actually makes the stakes less steep and lessens the risk because “hello” is not salacious, it’s not controversial, it’s not un-PC, offensive or inappropriate. Hello is just that, a greeting. A basic human gesture. Start a conversation off of that, a BRIEF one. She will respond and you will get her attention IF she is interested. Pinky swear.