I am 26 years old and I Feel Lucky that I Have Not Been Raped.

Sexually assaulted, sexually harassed, street harassed, followed, exposed to, leered at, stalked, butt slapped, butt and breasts  grabbed, in public spaces, cursed out 987784 ways to sunday by men bigger than me for not responding to catcalls, physically assaulted for asserting agency over my or my friend’s safety, venomously berated for rejecting advances to my body and safety? Absolutely. Ooooof I lost count.

Lost count.

And THEN, I am asked to smile for a man I don’t know from a ham sandwich? And then I am asked to be more receptive to  any and all advances and compliments from anyone with a penis?

Excuse me while I go break everything within a 5-mile radius.

When men start walking down the street smiling like clowns then we can have a discussion on women’s mean mugs. Until then, just know that it is a defense mechanism and you have NO idea what that woman has been through at the hands of men who were “just trying to give a compliment.” If your advances are turned down, so what? I have zero sympathy. Women are abused every second and still have to deal with men and the abuser apologists. That’s what we call life. Unfortunately.

With all of that, I have never been raped and I feel so lucky I haven’t.

Every woman I know has endured all of the aforementioned abuse and I know a lot of women, friends, acquaintances and colleagues who have been raped. They are the strongest people I know. I honor them. I respect them. I love them These are the three most singular virtues that men who subject women to this type of behavior are lacking. And the men who defend them and this behavior.

I am 26 years old and I Feel Lucky that I Have Not Been Raped.

Sexually assaulted, sexually harassed, street harassed, followed, exposed to, leered at, stalked, butt slapped, butt and breasts  grabbed, in public spaces, cursed out 987784 ways to sunday by men bigger than me for not responding to catcalls, physically assaulted for asserting agency over my or my friend’s safety, venomously berated for rejecting advances to my body and safety? Absolutely. Ooooof I lost count.

Lost count.

And THEN, I am asked to smile for a man I don’t know from a ham sandwich? And then I am asked to be more receptive to  any and all advances and compliments from anyone with a penis?

Excuse me while I go break everything within a 5-mile radius.

When men start walking down the street smiling like clowns then we can have a discussion on women’s mean mugs. Until then, just know that it is a defense mechanism and you have NO idea what that woman has been through at the hands of men who were “just trying to give a compliment.” If your advances are turned down, so what? I have zero sympathy. Women are abused every second and still have to deal with men and the abuser apologists. That’s what we call life. Unfortunately.

With all of that, I have never been raped and I feel so lucky I haven’t.

Every woman I know has endured all of the aforementioned abuse and I know a lot of women, friends, acquaintances and colleagues who have been raped. They are the strongest people I know. I honor them. I respect them. I love them These are the three most singular virtues that men who subject women to this type of behavior are lacking. And the men who defend them and this behavior.

As I type this, I am boiling. I think of all the shit women endure and brush off every single day because of rape culture and pigs posing as men.

I completely understand the possibility of rejection. Really, I do. I empathize. It sucks. Sometimes can be hurtful and awful just UGH!

But don’t let how others have behaved in the past taint and/or negatively impact your demeanor and that’s really a life lesson anyway.

What I am asking is just basic human courtesy. That’s what every woman wants. That’s what everyone wants. I’m going to make an educated guess on that one.

And I, because I can only speak for myself in this case, will always respond in the same manner as I am approached. And I’m going to even go so far as to say, so will a lot of other women. If it’s humane and polite, even if I am not interested, I will extend the same treatment you gave to me. You smiled at me, I’ll smile back because I like when men smile. And you’re probably handsome when you smile and I like handsome men. If you come incorrect I will be even more incorrect. I will be just so wrong. Just flat out, plain, dead up erroneous. I will fail that exam. On purpose. That’s fair. Dontcha think?

There ARE some women who are unnecessarily mean and hurtful when expressing their disinterest. They may or may not be decent human beings. We’ll never know. Why bother trying to find out? There’s nothing here to see. That’s life. I feel your pain but I think my little piece of advice actually makes the stakes less steep and lessens the risk because “hello” is not salacious, it’s not controversial, it’s not un-PC, offensive or inappropriate. Hello is just that, a greeting. A basic human gesture. Start a conversation off of that, a BRIEF one. She will respond and you will get her attention IF she is interested. Pinky swear.